Fundamental Truisms

They discovered Noah’s Ark
again. For those of you
who aren’t religious: a giant wooden ship
capable of containing all creatures
in twos. No big dinosaurs.
In the evangelical Christian women’s group
my wife, a Catholic convert, attends
for the breakfast spread, a local Christian college
professor spoke, citing Biblical evidence
only for small dinosaurs. Thus,
no T-Rexes on the Ark. Neither
any huge plant-eating whateverasauruses.
I want to know: what did the lions eat?
Did they go vegan 40 days and long meatless nights?
Fast? Because no pair of zebras or giraffes
is lasting 40 days in close quarters with famished lions.
Maybe God insisted all the animals hibernate,
a decree the bears took to immediately. Maybe the speaker
at the mom’s group, who answered one question
“I’m not a biologist, but…” is right.
Maybe I’m no kind of Christian
without a blind trust that every word
of what they call the Word of God is true.

Reasons why California M.D.s have granted medical marijuana license

Corns, crabs, a bad back,
warts of all kinds, tendinitis of the knee, tennis elbow,
psoriasis sissy syndrome and sister love,
a bad case of existential angst,
a bad case of atheism, a bad case of jesuslove,
unexplained collect calls from the dearly departed,
undead dreadlocks, doily swirly,
mania, lack of mania, obsessive desire
for a manic state, states rights, sillynose,
acne, herpes, newsie-groupies,
unanticipated erections or the lack thereof,
off her game, too much in the zone,
DUI, DOA, DVD RSVP,
no sanctuary, no faith, no soul,
nasal drip, droopy eyelids,
douchebaggery of all varieties,
unemployed, embarrassingly endowed,
misunderstood, overqualified,
uninitiated, and in-the-know.

Steve Henn’s second book And God Said: Let There Be Evolution! was recently published by New York Quarterly Books.