I Shit My Shorts While Doing Yoga

It started with the best intentions: I borrowed

my wife’s pink yoga mat and set out to discover Self

and Serenity and to shrink my middle-aged belly

after surrendering a notch to my cheap black belt.

So I streamed a video of a trim Zen man my age

leading class from a black mat in front of a waterfall.

He encouraged me to breath through my beer gut

and focus on the energy in my third-eye chakra.

Soon my pulse mimicked the rhythm of a slow drip

as I sat in a half-Lotus position and raised my arms

above my head to salute the sun then bent forward

from my waist, and shit my shorts in the process.

Far from a path to Self-actualization, I screamed,

“Oh God, no!” then ran upstairs into the shower.

After a change of clothes, I hopped into my car

and drove to the bar where I ordered a draft beer

and some buffalo wings, certain that things couldn’t

get any worse until I my wife sent a text and asked

if I knew where she could find her pink yoga mat.

Nathan Graziano lives in Manchester, New Hampshire, with his wife. A high school teacher, he’s the author of nine books of fiction and poetry. Fly Like The Seagull, his most recent work on fiction, was released by Luchador Press in 2020. Graziano also writes a column for Manchester Ink Link and was named the 2020 Columnist of Year by the New Hampshire Press Association. For more information, visit his website: www.nathangraziano.com.