I Used to Own a Big Motherfucking Cadillac

was my first car— 700 bucks from a guy who
lived on a dirt road— homemade engine swap
diesel to a 455 Rocket— wiring was never right
—plug something in the cigarette lighter and
it would melt— sparks would shoot out of the
doors— he painted it electric blue— royal
blue crushed velour seats felt a certain way
against bare skin— 1981 Fleetwood—
perhaps 1981 Cadillac was the worst model
year any car manufacturer ever had— I loved
it until it threw a rod on US 22— that Disraeli
quote about how The magic of first love is our
ignorance that it can ever end— never did
everything I wanted to in and with that car—
the delusion of infinite speed— speedometer
never worked right until I got it fixed two
weeks before the engine threw a rod— the
seductive qualities of speed— the promise
of power always on the cusp of every
grocery run— powerslide by instinct that
one time the rear tires kicked out on gravel
on Old 22— the road they called killer 22—
it was the car that began my lifelong affair
with beautiful and terrifying machines

Matthew Ussia is director of Duquesne University’s First Year Writing Program in spite of the fact that he got a C- in freshman writing and was rejected from Duquesne’s MA program.  He is also an editor, podcaster, post-doom thereminist, softcore punk, postpunk backup singer, social media burnout, and sentient organic matter.  His first book, The Red Glass Cat, was published by Alien Buddha Press in 2021. His writings have appeared in Mister Rogers and Philosophy, Future Humans in Fiction and Film, North of Oxford, Trailer Park Quarterly, Pittsburgh Quarterly, As It Aught To Be, Anti-Heroin Chic, and The Open Mic of the Air Podcast among others.  More information can be found at www.matthewussia.com.