man boobs
the ten year-old
turns to me and points
you have man boobs, she says
then she grabs the right one and honks
kids say and do the darndest things
an hour ago she
grabbed and shook
some of my beer belly
a part of me thinks this kid
is turning into a fat fetishist
but she’s right
i do have man boobs
had them ever since i was a child
probably inherited them from my grandfather
because he had man boobs too
i’ve tried to hide them
most of my adult life
wearing button down shirts
and clothing a size bigger than i needed
i guess i’m vain in that way
but who gives a fuck now?
i’ve been found out by a ten year-old
my shame caught red handed
my dignity handed to me
by a pair of sticky hands
all those years of hiding shot to shit
i feel free in a way
the kid’s mother laughs
tries to discipline the child
but she’s running around
laughing at my man boobs
she’s shouting
man boobs!
man boobs!
doing cartwheels on the pavement
her face red and round
the picture of health
skipping up and down the block
i stand there and i watch this child
my arms crossed over my man boobs
as if hiding them matters now
i think about how precious children are
what lights they are in all of our lives
war and famine and over population
i remember that this little
precious snowflake of god’s love and joy
is being fitted for braces on friday
i figure if i catch her
when her mother is not around
maybe i’ll get a little bit of revenge i
think maybe it’s going to be open season
on that little metal mouthed freak
at least until she starts to cry
autumn in new york
it’s autumn in new york
and my mother says
the hair follicle tests are costing my brother
one-fifty a pop
he hasn’t even been able
to aford the urine tests
how much are those? i ask
fifty a piece, she thinks
but we’re getting through it, she says
next month your dad
is going up there with him to see the baby
they’re going to bring pumpkins
and carve them at the family center
like real halloween
we’re getting the baby a costume
so she can wear it
your brother is going to take pictures
and maybe we’ll do face time while they’re there
so that i can see her in the costume
and see the pumpkins that they carved
we’ll that sounds nice, i say
it is, i guess
but your brother is trying to get a second job
so that he can keep afording to go up
because it’s hard
with these hair follicle tests
and now these urine tests that she has him doing
even though he hasn’t touched anything in two years
plus he needs a second job
because all of the money goes to going up there
and seeing the baby
because your brother has to see the baby
your dad has to see the baby, too
he’s her grandfather after all
i mean it’s already the autumn
soon it’ll be winter
and with this crazy weather we get now
who knows how long it’ll be
after this.
John Grochalski is the author of The Noose Doesn’t Get Any Looser Afer You Punch Out (Six Gallery Press 2008), Glass City (Low Ghost Press, 2010), In The Year of Everything Dying (Camel Saloon, 2012), and the forthcoming novel, The Librarian. Grochalski currently lives in Brooklyn, New York, where he constantly worries about the high cost of everything.